Frank Lalonde Appears

One can't help but wonder what "dipping sauce" Ewing's been using, after reviewing his so-called "final" seedings. Within his first set, there is no argument about #1 Devo. Leading a pack of many veteran teams, the boys in yellow are solid all the way. From Center Mark Mothersbaugh all the way to the waterboy (Booji), Devo appears ready for a reboot in a major way. Next, The Ravonettes have shown in the past that they can "run with the big boys", but I'm not sure if they can make it past some of the lower-ranked and under-rated teams. Wilco, at #3 should be able to put on a show, but I can't help wondering if the curtain will fall before the Elite-Eight. Dandy Warhols can probably make it to that same Elite-Eight, but I really don't think they can hang long after that. #5 KT Kunstall comes in under-rated, and some would say deservedly so. I still think their bench is pretty weak, and if they get into a run-and-gun situation, they'll quickly run out of steam. Foreigner has to get it's blood heated up if they want to survive long in "the show". #7 Led Zeppelin has been written off by many people, and probably with good reason. Yes, their durability cannot be questioned, but during the regular season they seemed to experience a communications breakdown of sorts. Can Ewing help them reach the big stairway? I'd have to say no. Elvis Costello is quite a crowd favorite. The soft touch they bring to the floor can rattle many a team. Still, age could again be a major factor. An ambulance standing by may be their best course of action. #9 The Black Keyes enter this year's clutter in the middle of the pack. Truely they've falled from their high-horse since last year. If they can get past the first round, I'd think that'd be a minor miracle. Dire Straits seems to slowly be fading. When they were in their prime, the crowd would be thinking "MONEY!". But now, most viewings seem to be thinking "NOTHING!" #11 Niko Case, though ranked in the lower echelon, may be able to surprise for awhile, but I wouldn't expect them to make the Sweet-Sixteen. Nick Lowe enters ranked #12, but I feel they're vastly under-rated. If you're looking for a surprise, you could do a lot worse than picking NLowe. John Lennon probably shouldn't even be playing in this year's tournament. This really seems like a shot in the dark. Captain & Tennille, a #14 seed, really doesn't seem to play the rock-em sock-em style needed in this era. Oh sure, they use to actually put teams to sleep with their four-corner play, but they sometimes forget that with a shot-clock running, they can't hold the ball forever. Blondie is ranked a lot lower than I'd expect, but I really don't think the tide's coming in for them this year. Getting past the first round would probably be a minor victory. Bringing up the bottom is Bo Donaldson & The Haywoods. Though playing in one of the 'minor' conferences, they put up some impressive numbers. But can they play Cinderella in this group? I have my doubts, and they must be satisfied.LaLonde's Lock: DevoLaLonde's Loser: KT KunstallEwing's second group has several contenders and pretenders for the throne. #1 Warren Zevon is hoping his ride finally arrives. A perenniel favorite, Zevon needs a little CPR to breath hope for this year's run. Ween is trying to show that Ewing's belief in them is not unfounded. But I can't help but think they'll be one of the runts in this litter. #3 Wall of Voodoo probably needs to take it all this year to appease their worshippers, but I feel they'll be running on "Idol". Dan Johnston also has to bring their "A" game if they want to keep Ewing's hopes alive. The problem is, I'm not sure if they HAVE an "A" game. #5 Alejandro Escovedo will be on the lips of many sportscasters, many just trying to pronounce the name. Still, I think the "AE" could really light up the Death Star, and I really think they can make the Elite-Eight. #6 Sweet has dreams, mostly on the strength of their running game. Known for their foxy moves on (and off, and even IN) the court, they need to wear down the deeper teams before the bench lets them down. Ringo Starr just will not be denied. If determination alone made a champion, RS is a dynasty. However, the winner is determined in the cage, and not in the papers. #8 Mudcrutch comes in with many question marks. First, despite their dismal record, Ewing refuses to exclude them. Could money have changed hands? Of course. But how much may decide their future. Rilo Kiley, at #9, might be able to bring the fans out. If that happens, there's no telling how far RK will reach. However, to see them as champs, I'd have to look into future years. #10 has really been the talk of the tournament so far. Under assistant-coach Ed Kruska, KC & The Sunshine Band has become rejuvinated. Playing with a fervor not seen since Tom Jones, The Band (rather, The Sunshine Band) might be celebrating a few ladies nights this year. I can actually see them in the Sweet-Sixteen. #11 Kid Rock, under assistant-coach Sandy Ewing, has really been an American Badass. On statistics alone, Kid's been pulverizing opponents, and if KR maintains that intensity, they should easily make it past the first round. Pink Floyd, another veteran team, just can't seem to get things running this year. Although their selection has been attributed to (Mark) Ewing's drunken stupor, they did start putting things together in the latter-half of the season. #13 The Yeah Yeah Yeahs again have high-hopes, but I cannot actually see them making it into the second-round of play. Bob Seger, a surprising #14 seed, has quietly been plodding along. Known for defense "like a rock", it's not hard to expect some big things from Seger. Still, BS's abysmal shooting has been detrimental to their record. Unless Bob can take it to the hole, they will also be hard-put to make it past the first-round. Angel seems to have squeezed into the tournament, probably on their outside play. But they need to remember: "If you want to run with the big dogs, you have to learn how to bark." Finally, Robert Cray just won't go away. While a possible rally-cry, clever slogans don't win ball games, and I'd be surprised if Cray isn't knocked out early.LaLonde's Lock: Warren ZevonLaLonde's Loser: WeenNow, when examining Coach Signore's groups, one has to remember last year's injury. After recovering from the plastic beer cup which Signore had inadvertently crushed into his ear, Tony has been observed to teeter on the brink of sanity, before finally settling back into his normal madness. Signore's group 1 has more than a few surprises. Leading the way is Golden Smog. While scorned by Ewing, Signore has lauded their performance for quite a while. And this might be the year they "release the inner-Kraken". Next is Drive By Truckers, who have left many an opponent as merely roadkill. Tony might be able to steer them quite a ways. #3 is She & Him, who made quite a run last year before finally dropping the championship game. Though their experience should count for something, I don't think it'll count for anything. They should make the Sweet-Sixteen, but with the talent in this tournament, advancing further will be quite a reach. #4 Fountains of Wayne have the making of a good team. I would not expect much from them this year, but Wayne really needs to be watched in the future. #5 Radiohead has quite a following. However, the 'curse' of the #5 seed might be their downfall. REM has depth on their bench, which may surpise a few. Still, it's their starters who have produced results. As the front-man goes, so goes REM. #7 Yo La Tango is taking another run for the Vader trophy. But they have been sluggish of late, and unless they rev things up, they may be watching the Sweet-Sixteen on their way home. Jenny Lewis is surprisingly a #8 seed, which has upset many people. Entering last year's tournament with high hopes, Lewis failed to deliver, but still kept a cadre of fans and believers. #9 Lucinda Williams is back again, and might be able to rattle a few cages. However, I feel they're seeded a little higher than they should be, and it'll be a shock if they play more than one game. #10 is Peter Yorn & Scarlett Johanssen. Although they may have shaken up the polls this year, they play in one of the 'minor' conferences, and it'll be interesting to see how they react to some major-caliber action. #11 Blind Boys of Alabama...I just can't see them winning much this year. Their shooting has been sub-par, and if Shaq took their free-throws it'd be an improvement. Look for them to stumble in their opener. #12 The Shins might be able to sneak past a few opponents. Widely regards as interlopers, they have solid defense, and practically no one has better perimeter shooting. Inside is where they're vulnerable, and once teams figure that out, the long run will probably be over. Arcade Fire is making a run, but I can't see them getting far from the gate. They just seem to give games away, leading their conference in turnovers allowed. #14 Kings of Leon have a goal, and that's to collect their piece of the action. But I feel that action may only include one game, the first round. #15 Graham Parker just won't go away, although even Parker's fans sometimes wish they would. As Joe Pesci might say: "Ya stumblin' mutterin'...". Closing out the group is George Harrison. I really think Harrison should be ranked in the upper-tier, and really deserves a chance to show their stuff. However, with such a low ranking, I cannot help but think George will be sitting down after one game.LaLonde's Lock: Drive By TruckersLaLonde's Loser: RadioheadSignore's group 2 has many teams with national followings. But such does not guarantee victory. Leading the way is #1 Nora Jones. Signore has been working with Jones in the off-season, and it seemed to pay off with a late-season surge to the conference title. Nora's also quite a favorite in the Death Star, and the noise level reaches heights which have been declared 'hazardous' by the Surgeon-General. #2 Jackson Browne has quietly been rising in the ranks, and finally made a major breakthrough this year. Dragging opponents up- and down-court is Browne's way. Seemingly like "Rocky", Jackson will "punch and punch and punch until they can't punch no more". I think Browne could take the whole nine yards. #3 Ryan Adams seems to have moved up in Signore's eyes, although many attribute that to a 'donation' of hot-wings from an as-yet un-named source. I think Ryan's bitten off more than they can chew, and a Sweet-Sixteen berth is not realistic. #4 Beck has been around since the internets only had one inventor. Playing with an effortless style, Beck makes the game look easy, while slowly pulling away from opponents. I think they could make it to the Final-Four, but don't quote me on that...uh, oh...too late. #5 Dwight Yoakam hammers opponents into submission. Leading the nation in fouls, Yoakam relies on dismal foul-shooting by their opponents. Many a player has come to the bench saying "Cut me, Tony!". Dwight just keeps coming on, and plays an endurance-game. #6 My Morning Jacket seems to be another surprisingly high ranking. I can't see Jacket higher than a #11, but Signore stands by his selection, though it's hard to tell with bits of chicken spraying in several directions as he explains his selection process. #7 Ray Wiley Hubbard is also trying to claim the Vader, and this season seems to have gone to the dark-side with fervor. With a style of play which Signore calls "The Force", Hubbard stuns opposing players, then just drives to the bucket. Hubbard could be Tony's "Cinderella" team. #8 Rolling Stones seem to have been playing in the tournament forever, but that's deceptive. Making the 'big show', Stones have been known for their 'helter-skelter' play. But, I would have to be waiting for their inevitable breakdown, possibly in the first round. #9 Green Day is yet another contender for the title of "Cinderella". Not use to matching up against some of the premier squads, Day seems ready for the tournament, but I'd advise against high hopes. #10 The Fools, assistant-coach Frank LaLonde's squad somehow made it into the tourney. With a style of play which LaLonde calls "Fool-ish", and which Signore himself says is "Mmmunnmppp...more wings...hmmmm...F(l)...oolish", they can play a steady game, but can't seem to adapt when their opponents change style. Look for an early exit. #11 Lady Antebellum, driven by assistant-coach Diane Signore, might make some noise this year. With driving play, they have no problems bringing the game inside, but their defense seems to lead to disaster. A second-round game would be quite a surprise. #12 Ry Cooder seems to "be here for the beer". With no outstanding players, and a generic style of play, look for Cooder to watch most of the tournament from the sidelines. Bob Dylan might bend with the breeze, but seems to be another team which will be amazed if they can't watch the second-round from their hotel rooms. #14 The Pretenders have somehow made it into the tournament again. But, their chances for the Vader trophy do not seem very realistic. Their blue-collar approach to the game seems to work against them. The choice of #15 Richard Thompson has incurred the wrath of many fans. Still, Signore stands by the selection, stating that "mmmph...Rich...gulp..ard Thom...p...urp...son has everything I look for in a team. Finally, sentimental favorite Dixie Chicks find themselves in the #16 slot. While many people would say there just aren't enough slots, the Chicks don't seem uncomfortable in the position. Stirring up the pack is their style of play, and it's hard to tell which Dixie team one will see until they actually take the floor.LaLonde's Lock: Nora JonesLaLonde's Loser: Dwight Yoakam